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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The war within

I have always been mystified by the power contained within a cloud. So much energy hidden in a benign vapor. Energy that can be good if harnessed, or horrendously destructive when left wild and unchecked. Lightening reminds me of our inner most being. That place where we wage a silent war day in and day out.

The war within is the most brutal battle field of all mankind. This constant struggle, like lightening, can be good when harnessed and controlled or extremely destructive left unabated. The internal conflict has the clouds of desired self image and the high energy of true self perception or self concept. These very fluid and every evolving, highly energetic vapors of self often clash within us every minute of our lives. I want to be, yet I think I am, therefore I do not! I fear the not, therefore I create the "I am" that "I want to be." So how do I become the "I am?" I once had a good friend, who I have always respected greatly, say this to me, " I have all finish and no substance." He had become a master at creating a vapor of who he wanted to be without investing in the energy of making or building the I am. He went on to tell me his impression of me. He stated that I was all substance with no finish." I had become so invested in the "I am" that I had ignored the finer points of the want to be. The external perception definitely did not match my internal self concept. In fact that was true for both of us and I would venture a guess that it is true for all of us.

We engage in so much nonsense proving to ourselves that we are not how we see ourselves! We are constantly seeking external validation in an effort to reassure the fact that the real me is not leaking out into the external me. And the war within goes on for another day!! The sad thing is that we can control this war. We can become that which we want to be. We can end this bloody, self defeating conflict and move into an internal cease fire. What is amazing is that we choose not to!

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