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Sunday, November 19, 2006

Why I cry at night!

I am not sure why I feel motivated to share the following stories, but I do. I talk a lot about perceptions and beliefs and adventure risk, maybe I feel I should talk about some of the events that have shaped some of mine. Events that have shaken the very core of my belief structures, as well as, touched my heart in ways words can not express.

I am sure most of us have at one time or another cried ourselves to sleep. Have you ever had to drink yourself to sleep because the pictures in your mind were so disturbing that sleep became your tormentor? When I was a young man I had to go to a home and notify a young mother of three children that her husband had been killed and was not ever going to come home again! I did not know that she had a preexisting panic disorder. Her screams and Lamentations chilled my soul. She asked me to tell the children. I had to go home that morning and answer my wife's question “so how was your day?" I could not sleep for three days straight. If I closed my eyes I could hear that widow screaming and her children asking me what was wrong with mommy. In fact in the quite, as I write this, I can see it as if it happened this morning! I try to spend as much time as I can with my own three children , but it is never enough!

I walked up to an open garage door of a nice middle class family. I can see the mother seated to the back of the room, crying. I can see her older son to my left crying. I can see her younger son lying in front of me with paramedics frantically working to bring him back to life. This young man was gone. By his own hand over a lie told to him by another child. I soon found myself crying and had to retreat to my vehicle and regain my composure. Answers to this tragedy? There were none!

On a dark night, on a dusty dirt road, I walked up on a young lifeless body dressed in dark clothes. I was the first one to reach this child. A 12 gauge shot gun blast pattern covered his back. Shot for stealing change out of a car. Quarters, dimes, and nickels is what life was worth that night. He lived because a helicopter just happened to be available to fly him to a trauma center which was over an hour away by land.

A loud parking lot in front of a pool hall on a Friday night. A 19 year old boy lies on the cold pavement in front of me. His friend is trying to stop the bleeding from his chest. As paramedics start to work on him, he leans up slightly, grabs the paramedic's shirt and pleads for help. Those were his last words here on earth. Killed over who had the best looking car!

I can’t look at burnt chicken anymore without getting sick. It reminds me of an 18 month old baby boy. Killed by his parents. The details I will not share here.

I arrive at a car wreck. I had to pull a mother away from her teenage daughter who was pinned inside the car. I knew the girl was gone! The mother begged me to tell her that her daughter would be ok. Oh, how I wanted to lie, it would have been easy however cruel.

These are only a few of the events that are burned into my history. Moments that have chiseled at my surface, shaping me, bending me. How the hell do life's philosophic concepts hold up when life becomes bloody? I think these are the moments that define our commitment to life itself. We can choose to let these moments keep us pinned to the floor, or we can struggle back to our feet and keep fighting for what we believe in!

We (society) have allowed life to become cheap and meaningless. We complain about stupid stuff. We are no longer appalled by the meaningless deaths around us. We pay for entertainment that makes us callous to death and the value of life. I personally longer cry for the lives we have lost. I cry for the lives we are about to lose. These lives, I value more than the ones actually living them. We can make a difference if we dare to care. We must become more committed to valuable life then the many are committed to being content with value void lives! Save a life, reach out and let someone know you care! Let them know that they matter! Let them know that their life has great value.


2 comments:

fatnlazy said...

TB,I can only imagine the horrors and atrocities that you have seen. And I pray that God protects your eyes and soul. I thank him that He has people like you to show these suffing, and hurting people His mercy and grace.
Some of us talk about saving the world, touching His people ,all the while not moving from our cozy and safe lazyboys. Then there are others who are on the front line of the battle.
Thank you.

Talking Bear said...

FNL. First, thanks for your comment, man or woman, I would give you a hug. I have no doubt that God has given me a certain amount of grace. I also know that many of the front line warriors you refer too, are rejected by the church. They/we are to rough around the edges and we tend to comment out loud on the B.S. But this post was not meant to point to that. I wanted to highlight my reasons for pushing so hard on many of these points here on this blog. Needs, Belifes and Behaviors is a life and death struggle, I know because I have seen it!!!

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