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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Making peace with fear

The darkness of night always created a place of fear deep inside my childhood. After all, bad things happened at night. I had created a huge mental perception of monsters and ghost lurking behind every corner. I feared that which I could not see. As an adult, I realize that many of us still have buried inside us a fear of the unknown. The emotion of fear is usually worse and more destructive than the actual unknown. Although I will validate that some unknowns should remain unknown. But over coming that which we fear is no easy task, is it?

As children, we have to endure our peers making comments like "come on scardy cat", or "what's wrong? you chicken." The stupid things I have done because of those comments. What I did not realize is that I was yielding to one fear over another fear. The fear of rejection is a big motivator; to the point that one would risk the unknown to avoid rejection and ridicule. As an adult, my fear of the unknown darkness seems small compared to the fear of rejection. How many people have become involved in seriously stupid situations because of this fear? How do we over come such a fear when the need for belongingness is so strongly built into our genetic structure? I saw a bumper sticker the other day that may lend a clue. The sticker said "My give a damn is busted." Although this sentiment may be extreme, there is some wise insight hidden in there. This fear of rejection, or the need for belonging drives our quest for validation from others. I have always envied those who seem so secure that they do not seek , or appear to need, such validation. However, I am starting to realize that the majority of us, when honest, will say that we do compromise a lot to get such validation or sense of belonging.

I think this is where we are supposed to take a step back and evaluate the why and who questions. Why am I choosing to be so vulnerable to this person's validation? And, who should I be seeking validation from. I think once we start to make a conscious choices and answer these questions we start to lose that fear of rejection. We ultimately begin to explore the unknown inside of us. why have I given sanction to so many to get so little. I think we begin to stand on our own morals and values. We tend to put less value on the acceptance of others. We may realize that we have made peace with a fear that tends to destroy our potential. These are just some thoughts of mine, what do you think?

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