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Saturday, July 28, 2007

Does Time heal all?

I can not count how many times I have heard this phrase, " Time heals all". I do not think this is true. I do think time exposes much, and from that exposure we learn much, and that learning creates in us greater understanding about situations and people, and this understanding can heal. Recently my girls and I traveled back in time, well kinda. We took a trip to one of the ghost towns found in America; Bodie. It was compelling to look into the windows and try and learn about the people who once lived there. We could not help ourselves in the pursuit to learn about these past lives. This compulsive behavior to look into these windows made me think about a concept My consulting group teaches ; The JoHari window. We, as individuals, want to know about others and how we relate to them, or if we do. Maybe this seeking understanding of others is rooted in trying to understand ourselves, I do not know for sure.

As we walked around looking into the past, I realized that we spent more time learning about the past by looking into the bigger windows. The little windows just took to much effort and did not reveal as much. I began to make a comparison to these different windows and our behaviors as people. I formed an opinion that when we make our "open" window small, we just do not get much out of our time spent with others. I also began to think about those people around me that have made their "open" window large; I tend to spend more time with them, learning, sharing, and growing. As always, I began to ask myself, "what is it that drives us to create and maintain small "open" windows. I reflected back on a book I have just finished reading called "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team". As I ponder on these things I realize that we seemed to be seeking some form of acceptance through trust. Trust that we can be different but still accepted. The problem is that most of us run from the source that creates such things; conflict. We placate others to avoid uncomfortable feelings and the risk of rejection. We need to open our window, accept the difference of others and allow them to disagree with us, it is OK. Just because your window is small does not dictate that mine has to be.

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