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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

4 types of negative trait tendencies

One of my many mentors (Richard, PhD, where I also got the fear/love trees from) that I have had over the years taught me a great lesson. This lesson, like many lessons I have had to learn, created some feelings of anger inside me. I was directed to make a choice between one of the four labels that best described me. I did not like any of the four choices. I did not want to admit that I could be, or that I was, any of the four choices. Let me share with you this exercise that I now use often in the many classes I am asked to facilitate. You do one or more of these often. You have to choose between the four, which one you are the most. By taking responsibility for your "type" you become more aware of this behavior and thus can begin to make changes in your behavior.

1) Preacher;
The preacher is a person who tells others to do that which they do not do themselves. The old "do as I say, not as I do."

2) Placater;
The placater is one that will appease or pacify through concession or conciliatory gestures. This type of person tend s to just go along with something to avoid conflict or risk rejection.

3) Avoider;
The avoider avoids any and all conflict. This type of persons is kinda of like the ostrich who buries their head in the sand, if you cant see the danger it does not exists.

4) Blamer;
The blamer blames everyone else for the troubles they experience.

We all tend to be one of these. I felt angry when I was made to pick one. But once I realized that I tend to placate, often, I made some changes to stand my ground and speak up for my convictions. This was not easy not comfortable at first, but it has been very liberating for me. Give it some thought and identify which one you are. It could change your life.



His Girl Friday said...

hmm, I think I would be considered a placater. Interesting concept if you can apply it to improving how you deal with conflict.

TB said...

HGF, why do you think you are a placater?

His Girl Friday said...

I think the main motivator is the risk of rejection, not so much the avoidance of conflict. I falter easily when I feel rejected by those who I give some weight of esteem, value, or maybe even control over me?? I'm not sure if I'm explaining things clearly...I'll be back...I don't do 'depth' off the cuff well!! ;)

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