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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Somewhere "Between raising hell and amazing grace".

Winter is a funny thing. She is both beautiful and brutal, embracing yet unforgiving. She beckons me to the highest points with a whisper of caution that death is near, spoken sweet and softly, yet she makes my soul shiver. She is a lover that yields a sting with each hug. A window of grace is given to those who venture alongside her, but only on her terms. She reminds me of a life spent frozen in a moment, of endings and beginnings, and the cost of idleness of life.

As I was driving away from this love of mine, I became lost in a moment, listening to one of my Christmas CD gifts; the new Big and Rich CD. The words spoke to me as I pondered my time spent with my frozen mistress. One of the songs,"Between raising hell and amazing grace" got me thinking about Mike Barrett's "Adventure-Faith" blog and the battle that rages inside so many people I know. How are we to make change without raising hell? How do we in return, validate that amazing grace that allows us to chase such change? I found an odd relation between such a pursuit of change and my time in the harsh realities of the frozen season's relenting onslaught on all life caught in it's grasp. We live our lives day in and day out. But to what purpose or end to we live? We have only but a breath of time frozen in history's harsh realities. Some choose to evade the bitter cold winds of time only to expire, never experiencing the wonder of it all.

On top of all this thinking, another song came on and continued my agony. The song has a section that says " Heaven can't help you if you live faster than angels fly....some souls only know one speed, faster than angels can fly." I realized that I have spent unfathomable amount of time searching for change that will bring peace to my restless soul. I burn my candle at both ends searching for hope. I live like I explore the wintry mountains, somewhere between fear and happiness. I feel like my life is frozen in a moment, a moment that reveals no answers, only raises more questions. I stop to rest, but live takes it's toll on my idleness, I must keep moving least I be consumed.

I asked myself this question. "How do you change the world in 30 seconds?" You may ask why 30 seconds? To me our life is a mere moment in history's account of humanities efforts. We live our lives as if we will live forever. But we all now this is not so, but yet we set idle, day in and day out. My wintry mistress would consume us if we dared to sit idle in her presences. She would return us to the earth for simply doing nothing with our gift of breath other than sit still. The energy she asks of us is unrelenting to just stay with her. Why do so many chose to live frozen, as if time was not watching? Why do so many exhaust themselves living faster than angels fly? As I though about these things, I reflected on my time with my children in the presences of my brutal mistress. I was satisfied that I taught them the importance of togetherness when they are with her. When we stand together, she as a much harder time consuming us.

Our lives are lived in 30 second segments. One of these segments could change the world, but we are never given the fore site of which segment will be the one. But how can we live each 30 seconds at our best? Which 30 seconds will stand out in a life frozen in time? How do we stand, together, ready for that moment when time stops and a life time is lived? How do we prepare ourselves for such a moment? A moment that will decide if we are worthy of this gift of life. A moment that history may just give us some forgiveness for so many wasted opportunities.



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