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Sunday, February 17, 2008

Fate knows no rest.

I woke this morning and wanted to write something meaningful. I wanted to capture something that lays just under the surface, but deep enough to elude normal disclosure. I wanted to capture that thing that often drives me. Anyway, the words below are what I wrote, than I searched for a picture to use and found a blog called "painted bones", which had this picture on it ( I could not find who to give credit to for this picture). The post on this blog deeply spoke to me this morning after writing my post.

I am not sure why I wrote what is below, or for that matter why I am even posting it. It seems to be full of anguish, but then again may be that is what drives me? Anyway, here it is,

The fire in my eyes burns as my consciousness fades into darkness. Another round of life’s conscious pursuits is completed, as another round of life’s unconscious war begins. Some call it dreaming, I just call it the other side of life’s confusing coin. I search in vain for the off switch, but the images, emotions, and paralyzing struggles just keep coming. The imagines are so convincing that I can not discern reality's passions from this realm's poisons. Falling, flying and fighting are common undertakings while my eyelids hide the tears of torment that will haunt me tomorrow; un-noticed by the world that stares straight at me. My body screams for rest, but there is none to be had. The past seems to be scrambled with the future. This realms timeline seems to be intertwined with the tangible, touchable, and tolerable side of sanity. I often awake more exhausted then when I laid my head down. The excursion into my minds hidden side will leave me with un-settled emotions, un-anchored fears, and a trace of unknown warnings of what may come to past in my future. Guilt and anger are born from acts my unconsciousness suggests I will commit, or will be committed against me. I don’t know what haunts or hunts me, but it draws my fears out into the open, betraying my desires to be strong and courageous. My internal awareness screams for me to run, but from what? The lines that define life’s realities and this realm’s undefined boundaries have become blurred with every emotion I have ever known. What is real? Where does reality live? I fear I am caught up in a battle of destinies. I attempt to elude fate by controlling the unpredictable. The unpredictable eludes me by controlling my fear. My fear eludes arrest and I am left with my weakness. I can find no rest.

Thoughts?

3 comments:

storyteller said...

Wow -- getting to this comment box went more quickly this morning! I'm glad because this posts "resonates" with my own uneasy and unsettled feelings this morning that have led me to spend an inordinate amount of time in prayer and journaling just to "recenter" myself for the day. I've noticed patterns of thought appearing on other blogs as well ... that lead me to wonder what might be afoot in the universe?

On another subject, I've added a Monday "addendum" to Saturday's Surprise at Sacred Ruminations when I realized I'd been remiss in conveying all the necessary information, so stop by when you have time.

Maybe I'll be able to comment here again more regularly (she stops typing just long enough to cross her fingers briefly before continuing).

So how IS your niece? You've all been in my prayers daily.

Hugs and blessings,

ladybeetle said...

Thanks for your comment - and keep the picture, I have no qualms about it at all. I think I saved the photo from another blog that didn't give credit for the picture as well, so I'm just using it as an annonymous photo. I have a feeling it's a stock photo, but a nice stock photo at that.

I read your entry, but insight as to why my post touched you deeply still eludes me...

Your blog touches on very heavy, almost philosophical ideas on life, God, meaning.. keep up the good writing, I think we all need to ask the honest questions in life

Talking Bear said...

Ladybeetle, Thank you for your kind words. Your post and blog touched my spirit, I guess even I have a hard time explaining it. It was like an angel's point of view, I know that sounds odd but as I read many of your post I felt a sense of peace that comes from a pure heart, almost like I was being comforted by something unseen. I hope you write more.

I do realize that my writing can be on the "heavy" side. I often struggle with this. I want so very much to write a little lighter, but my heart takes me to the deep places and wont like me rest until I wrestle with with these topics.

Thanks again for your comment and for stopping by, I hope we get more oppurtunities to share more thoughts and insight. TB

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