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Sunday, February 24, 2008

I failed

I ventured out upon the stormy sea of life, and tried to walk on water but, I failed. For my effort I was afforded the experience of suffocating as I sank into a cold, lonely, and dark abyss.

I ventured to the life’s highest mountain peak, and I tried to fly with Eagles but, I failed. For my effort I was afforded a broken and bloodied body; and left isolated and weak.

I volunteered to be a hero, to live a life that history would record, but I failed. For my effort I was afforded the opportunity to be anonymous, unknown, and forgotten.

I tried, to no avail, to be what you asked of me but, I failed. I tried to achieve the impossible and love all I know but, I failed. And now I sit here broken, lonely and full of anger.

I tried to hold on to my deepest anger, but I failed. My anger gave way to hope. For my effort I was afforded a guilty conscious that wrestled with the deep chasm between who I am and who you want me to be.

What do you want of me? I tried to be great and found that I am insignificant. I tried to be the answer and found only more questions. I only bring anger, hate, and frustration, yet you still whisper to me to keep living. Why, I have failed.

I desire no more ventures that will remind me of my failure. I can not try to be what I am not for one more day. But somehow, for some reason, you embrace me in my brokenness and you point to another horizon and order me out into my sea of failure. How can I stay afloat amongst life’s pounding storm? Don’t you know I have failed?

I have failed at understanding how you take my failure and turn it into your victory. I failed to see you in all I know. I failed to be what you made me to be. Let me fail no more.

3 comments:

His Girl Friday said...

Heartfelt words, TB

Endlessly restless said...

Talking Bear - This is heart-achingly lovely.

Earlier tonight I was in the gym, listening to U2 on my iPod. These lyrics - from 'All Because of You' - stuck in my head then, maybe they fit with what you're writing about?

"I'm not broke but you can see the cracks
You can make me perfect again

All because of you
...
I am...I am

I'm alive
I'm being born
I just arrived, I'm at the door
Of the place I started out from
And I want back inside"

Mrs Successful said...

I visit HGF often and have been lurking around your site for quite a wee while now TB.

I believe people who look and do not comment are called lurkers! It sounds sinister to me, but in the labyrinth of the www and it's terminology, I guess that's what I am.

Your site postings are wonderful, thought provoking, inspirational, different and soooo nice.

There always seems masses to read when I first look, but I get through it all so quickly and look for more.

Thank you for your blog - it's a pleasure to read (as is HGF) - what a team!

Best wishes
Mrs Successful - and I'd have been successful a whole lot earlier if I'd read your blog some time ago!

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