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Monday, August 31, 2009

XX vs XY

Many times throughout my life I have heard, or have taken part in, the conversation that wrestles with the differences between man and woman. There really is no mystery about this topic, only ignorance and the refusal to see the basic knowledge right in front of us.

1. No two cells are alike in the make up of man and woman (XX or XY) Although we are of the same species, we are made from very different cell structures.

2. If you are a believer of the Bible, man was made from earth, and woman was made from man. Woman was created because man was lonely. She was designed to make man complete. Man was given domain over all creation, he is supposed to protect all that is ( which I might add, he has failed at).

3. Woman and man have a very different set of gender based needs, however, we share the same set of human needs (Maslow).

So why is there so much debate and confusion between the roles and relationship between man and woman? Why do we wrestle with the issues of what a woman wants and what a man should be? I think this occurs because we do not understand 'strong woman', and 'weak man', or how our childhood paths damage or distort our understanding of our own roles in this delicate dance between the sex's.

So, why even bother with this crazy labyrinth of paradigms and conflicting personal beliefs? Because man was lonely without woman and woman wants security. We want to be loved and to love. We have an internal drive to reproduce with the best mate we both can get.

Man must become the absolute foundation, not wavering or whining. Woman must be valued and treated with respect and dignity.

This gets messy when two persons are attracted to each other but both have a troubling gender related childhood experience and therefore developed limiting beliefs about gender related issues. Should a woman have to develop a certain level of masculinity to protect herself? How does a man regain his masculinity once it has been damaged? Or an even more important question is, how do we protect our children from such ugly childhood events that create such issues in society?

We first must accept ourselves, as damaged but worthy, and develop self concepts that are routed in strong moral and ethical foundations. We must not categorize all persons from one gender as being cut from the same fabric as those from our past. We must learn to value each other for who we are, not what we are. Man and woman are both beautifully and wonderfully made. We must help each other become the best we can be without belittling or demeaning each other.

Why are we so afraid to simply state that I want you, I need you? Why are we so afraid to admit that I am not complete without you? Man nor woman was ever intended to be lonely, but here we are, in a sea of people, alone as can be, beating each other up over what?




'Man must become the absolute foundation, not wavering or whining. Woman must be valued and treated with respect and dignity.'

That's a great thought.

You have a healthy outlook.

Talking Bear said...

My wife makes it easy by respecting me and she has learned not to test me, which always end up in an uncomfortable situation for the both of us

James Higham said...

Where do I start? I've written many posts over the years about this topic and I'm a fierce defender of marriage and that a woman has all the power she wants in a mutually loving marriage. There are roles that each takes on which just fit naturally but it's when modern -isms come into it that the wedge is driven between the two.

Talking Bear said...

James, I am going to disagree with some of your comment here. 1. The one with the most power in a relationship loves the least. Love and power do not mix well. Many men think that a woman has power, gives a woman power because she is in control of the sexual tempo. This is a fallacy. No woman should ever be allowed to control a man over sex! This act by a woman is one of no respect for the man. 2. There are no roles in any relationship that are natural other then sexual ones. Men and women are socialized to be what society thinks they are supposed to be. However, society has become so confused on what anyone should be, so it is of no surprise that men and women are confused on how they are to be.

As for the "isms" wedge, this is simply based on fear. Fear of rejection, fear of loss or value or worth. The "isms" only exist because we failed to love, stealing power from the other. Men and women should empower each other and all the other Bovine Scat would fall away.


Talking Bear,

I agree with your response to James, esp...
'No woman should ever be allowed to control a man over sex! This act by a woman is one of no respect for the man.'

I would go a step further and say she also has no respect for herself either if she feels sex /or witholding sex is a weapon to be deployed as a way of being heard/gaining advantage.

Talking Bear said...

Uber, I would disagree with you on the issue of a female disrespecting herself in this situation. The act of manipulation is one of power, and the one seeking power does not have an issue with self respect.

I would agree that there is an issue with females who use sex to control men. This is usually based in childhood abuse and the child's sexual identity becomes askew. Said child begins to develop self worth issues based off of unhealthy events and mislead social value.


What I meant was if a woman thinks her only power [voice] is through sex ,whether giving or witholding, she lacks self respect & esteem in the sense that she devalues herself as if it is her only worth.

Cyber said...

Yea, I got that sweetheart.....I will post more on this when I am not dogass tired.

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