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Monday, November 30, 2009

Cyber Self concepts, creating who you are not!

In today's world it is amazingly easy to create a false cyber you. But is that really you? When we create a make-believe, or false reality of who we are does that change anything inside of us? Of course not, but so many folks today begin to believe who their cyber identity is. More importantly, at least I think, we run a huge risk of building our self concept off of something that has not connect to reality and therefore thrusts us into a dangerous emotional landscape.

My son is an outstanding X-Box player and has an identity based off of his "gamer-tag". Within the X-Box world is has many friends. When I take his X-box away, I realize that I take his identity away. How did a gaming system become so entrenched into his self concept? But it is not just gaming systems is it? Facebook, Myspace and so on have all become a source in which we create, or re-create our self concept. Even Blogs have become this tool or vehicle in which we escape reality and create false realities in which we are something other then what we are, why? Why is who we are so despised by our internal opinion? Are real people, real relationships that bad that we escape into cyber world to avoid the drama? Are there real people still living on this planet?

If we can not accept ourselves, if we continue to dislike who we are, are there healthy, honest and open ways to re-define that self image? Of course there are. But that takes work, and most likely we will have to deal with issues that we tend to bury deep within our internal "closets". The big problem is that this behavior creates hate and anger deep within. And sooner or later that anger is going to come out one way or another. How do we find, foster and appreciate those who are accepting of our true self?

I like to engage folks, challenge them to grow, but this seems to be to much for most. I realize that no one really wants to change. It is so much easier to stay on a dysfunctional path that usually someone else set us on. why should anyone of us take control of our own lives and our own self concept. Why not let everyone else define us, after all it is most likely better than what we think of our selves anyway? Just log on to the cyber world and create some false front and base our lives off of what goes on there, after all I can always log off if I don't like it, right?



I think everything in moderation is fine as long as one doesn't get too caught up in it.

I knew a female blogger who in rl was obese and lonely and couldn't get a man. Online she reiventedherself so she was a sexual goddess, talked dirty so men would do likewise and then eventually she preferred to live in her make believe world which was better than her real one. It was the only place she could be all what she was not. Until she began to believe she was-but only online.

Very sad.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

I agree. Those who ALWAYS hide behind a fake avatar has nothing to do with being real. Real people don't need to manipulate others with deceit. Righteous people are not happy when there is bloodshed and people make a profit off of it.

Sort of the like the profit which was made on September 11th while some people were cheering when those planes flew into those towers.

It's all disgusting if you ask me. I would never laugh at someone else to get ahead.

I think some comics should stay in the UK right now until they get their comedy routine down.

I love the pictures on this blog btw. How authentic and beautiful!

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Oh, one other thing...

To hide behind a blog ID and say mean things isn't any better then a fat woman hiding behind a false picture.

People only do this so they don't have to suffer the consequences of their actions if you ask me.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

But one day the truth will come out and the liar with no feeds to her blog is going to suffer for the consequences of her actions.

And those feeds being routed away from her blog isn't going to save her.

Anonymous said...

What are you plans to help your son in this situation?

Talking Bear said...

My plans to my son include a positive affirmation strategy away from any and all computer gaming. We have already spent a lot of time doing things together, spending quality time talking about the real world, and for me, being very open about my concerns.

He has responded much better than I really expected. His relationship with his mother and siblings have also improved, happier. I did not attack his gaming but instead praised him for his ability.

He has made choices to spend time with family members and develop "real time" relationships on his own.

I simply said, this is not what I want, and that I thought we could be closer. As he is in his teen years, this is often times a challenge as he struggles for identity, independence and self assurance, all of which I want him to have.

I explained my perspective on how he is much more than what others saw in a gamer tag. So far so good, I love it when he comes into the den and asks me to watch a movie with him now.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

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