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Monday, November 15, 2010

Mirrors and Windows, part 2

A response to outstanding reader input via e-mails.  OK, In part one, below, I wrote about mirrors and windows.  In that post I touched on the journey between two way points; where we are and where we want to go in life.  Teaching, facilitating, and equipping someone to take the journey between these two points is no easy nor simple task.  I will start by saying there is no way a few words here will do more then just create an awareness of a life process.  There is a tremendous temptation to help students create a structured life plan.  Setting goals and establishing objectives through time lines has been the standard when it comes to achieving "success".   Most students will follow such a plan if they have someone keeping them accountable.  I believe however that most life plans are abandon because they are made with limited information about how life will actually unfold.  We tend to create these plans to create purpose or to fulfill needs without understanding what those needs are to start with.

Take my own life for example.  as a young man I wanted to be a marriage counselor and started my college learning off with psychology and sociology.  I had a structured plan and time line, but I had no idea how to follow it.  After a few years I changed my plan because life was unraveling me.  And here is the problem,  I only learned how to "pack" for that destination/plan.  I have since learn to "pack" in such a way as to allow me to handle any direction life's journey takes me.  So when I work with others I do not spend time with time lines nor worry about accountability regarding their destinations.  I teach the journey or the traveling.  Equip the student with internal ability and the rest, life, seems to just make happen.  So what is the internal ability?  There are many words we can use here; fortitude, courage, preserver, patience, and so on.  But when it comes down to it, even though we know the definition of such words, applying them to our life seems much harder.

I have often talked about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Fraklin's Reality Model.  Understanding what our needs are as human beings is very important.  These needs unveil why one might tend to be co-dependent, oppositional defiant,  authority aviodant just to name a small morsel of issues we humans deal with.  The next area of focus I have is one's belief structure.  Why do I believe in what I believe?  These two areas, needs and beliefs, dictate how I will choose my behaviors.  My behaviors dictate how or if I can make the journey between the two way points of here and there.  How do we equip another to be able to risk in life?  How to teach others to embrace the risk of failing? How do we teach that failure is not trying?  How do we teach students to take responsibility for their life, their journey?  Why do we teach the destination and not the journey?  Awe, there it is.  We focus so much on the destination, we put so much pressure on the destination and we forget or fail to teach the journey.

Live your life!  Attempt much and expect much!  Become that which you dream one step at a time.  The only thing I ask of my students is that they contribute to the greater good along the way.  I really do not care what their destination is.  Become whatever you want!  Give more then you take!  In my life, every step has played into my journey.  I may not be a marriage counselor, but I have benefited from that learning experience.  Every piece of the journey is what life is.  Will I become this or that?  I have no idea, but I do know that I am living life and giving more than I take.  I will leave you with a quote that I often use;

Be careful of your thoughts, they become your beliefs.
Be careful of your beliefs, they become your words.
Be careful of your words, The become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, they become your destiny.




I really enjoyed this Windows and Mirrors series,Bear.I will have to think more on it before responding more fully. :)

Talking Bear said...


James Higham said...

There is, of course, the danger of overanalysis, a trap I've fallen into more than once.

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